Fading
by Shaman Hime
Summary: After Zacks adventure in Morroco, his stomach and heart are aching. Zack/Cody centric not slash.
1. Chapter 1

"_I tried to be perfect,  
But nothing was worth it"_

Zack tossed and turned in his bed, making a big mess of the sheets beneath him, as sweat devoured every inch of his pained face and body. He tried to hold back a moan of pain as his stomach decided to turn into a feisty roller coaster that had gone out of control. He hadn't received a minute of sleep or rest ever since he came back from that jewelry store and bought Cody the "one of a kind" pair of earrings that he'd been itching to get so badly for Bailey, since the moment he'd that heard she wanted them. Zack could hardly believe that he actually ate ears and eye balls just for his younger brothers sake and happiness, however he didn't regret it, or so he thought until another wave of sickness came along and washed him all the way to the bathroom to heave the contents of the "things" he ate a couple of hours ago.

Feeling rather lightheaded, Zack gradually began making his journey back to his bed, with a few stops on the way to steady himself, he finally made it after a good long five minutes. He sat up on his bed, with his back leaning against the wooden board, while he drank the remains of the water he had in his water bottle. He never liked being ill, not that anyone did, but he always felt so weak and helpless and that bothered him greatly. Even though he had to admit that right now the feeling of helplessness wasn't what bothered him the most but the fact that his twin brother wasn't even around to check up on him or even realize that he'd been sick. He was probably too busy enjoying himself with Bailey and the rest to even notice that Zack had left the room abruptly soon after giving Cody the earrings.

Zack tried to shake such thoughts from his head by looking for a distraction, something that would distract him from the wild amount of pain he felt in his stomach and to a bigger extent; his aching heart. He found a magazine lying on the table next to his bed and decided it would be the best distraction considering he had never read it before. Once Zack finished skimming through it he glanced at the clock and found it was 9:02, almost an hour and a half since he had left the rest and almost an hour and a half since he had expected Cody to run after him to check on him or even thank him, but the second never happened.

The thought of Cody lead to many other thoughts and memories. Memories were all mostly heart whelming as for the thoughts not so much.

"_I thought it'd be easy"_

Cody had started to grow away from Zack and closer to other people that he seemed to favor over his own twin brother. Zack had noticed a while ago, that he and Cody barely ever spoke and every time they did it ended up in an argument of some sort with one leaving the other behind, that's why he did what he'd done today. He'd wanted to make up for all the mistakes he had committed, wanted Cody's forgiveness and happiness and best of all get his little brother back. Only nothing happened, it almost felt like Cody didn't appreciate it and had shrugged it off like it meant nothing to him. That killed Zack. Was he really not good enough? Was he unworthy of his brothers love? Does he deserve all this pain?

Before Zack could come up with any answers, he was doubled over in striking pain and began whimpering and quietly sobbing. He was not sure if the source of pain was his stomach or the sudden rush of wretched emotions through his mind. It didn't matter though not to him and not to anyone else, he had lost the most precious thing in his life.

"_I'm trying to let you know"_

Hours and minutes passed by and Zack continued to whimper and moan in pain, he was feeling worse than ever, never had he expected himself to be this weak physically or emotionally and never had he expected to get through his worst moment on his own, in the dark, laying there in a small ball, forgotten by Cody and his friends. Zack turned one last time to check the time: thirty minutes to midnight. He sighed, exasperated and exhausted, turning to face the ceiling, where he stared at the shadows that laughed and pointed at him.

He gave up.

"…_That I'm better off on my own"_

"Zack?"

* * *

**A/N So this it for now, I know its not like Zack but I felt like this how he would of felt like after the incident, this is probably going to have just one more chapter and more sequels, because its a little different and unexpected. The italics are actually part of a song called pieces by sum 41. I hope you guys liked it, let me know what you think, so read and review xD**


	2. Chapter 2

Zack felt an object land on his bed and heard his name called again. He felt his heart skip a beat, unsure if it was because he just heard Cody's voice or because he hadn't heard a soul enter the room, either way he just wanted to be alone so he ignored it, and just pretended to be asleep. His plan worked and Cody got off the bed and started heading for the door. A second before Cody left the room though, Zack felt what seemed like his stomach explode, forcing him to shriek out in pain. In less than an instant, Cody was back by his brothers side.

"Zack! Zack!"

Zack shook violently, his face glistening from a torrent of sweat. He breathed rigorously.  
Upon not receiving an answer, Cody was beginning to worry-the pain evident in his voice.

"Zack! Do you hear me?" Cody cried, shaking Zack.

Zack just continued to whimper quietly in restrain, with his back well turned to Cody. He wasn't about to show his younger brother that there were thousands of tears sliding down his dampened cheeks. A thousand tears that finally managed to break through the brick wall- nonetheless, his blanket can serve as a temporary makeshift shield.

"Zack? Do you want me to call someone?" Cody yelled shaking him some more.

Zack would've have laughed hysterically, but a wave of sickness rose up his throat. With much strength, he pushed himself off the bed, surprising Cody , and rushed to the toilet. Cody silently rose and walked to the toilet's door- helplessly watching his brother retch. Zack coughed and went to the sink. He washed his face and rinsed his mouth, meanwhile, Cody solemnly watched him. Zack paused.

"What are you looking at?"

Cody continued to silently watch his brother, eyes filled with concern and distress, he made no movement what so ever and just continued leaning against the supportive wooden door. This frustrated Zack much more causing him to quietly curse beneath his breath as he made his way past the stationary Cody and back to his bed. Cody didn't seem to notice that he was gazing at an empty dark toilet until a drained voice from behind him snickered.

" Discovered something worth a Nobel prize in there? "

Cody was quickly snapped out of his thoughts as his head jerked a little at the sudden voice he heard, looking around he realized he was still leaning against the toilet's door with his twin nowhere in sight. Sighing at his own stupidity he straightened and fixed his shirt and was making his way to Zack's bed when his brother exclaimed.

" Do you have a death wish, jerk?" Zack snapped, " Get the hell out! "

Once again he ignored his brother's rude remark and decided to not do what he was told. He had a sour look that ate his face. He didn't understand. He had no idea why Zack was being very snappy and inconsiderate, maybe he was feeling very ill and didn't want his twin to see him in such a state. A smile slowly crept onto Cody's lips at the thought of that, typical Zack.

" What's so amusing?"

Zack was irritated, the last person he wanted to see right now was sadly the only person his eyes could spot. Life just wasn't fair. To complicate matters even more, Cody never seemed to reply to any of his remarks and instead of getting offended he was smiling. Was Cody this sadistic?

" Nothing! " Cody grinned as he sat next to Zack.

" Well you wouldn't be smiling if there was no-"

Cody had to interrupt Zack or else he would of continued rambling and arguing like the sun wasn't going to set tomorrow.

" Come on, let's get you to the infirmary, you need to get checked!"

Zack frowned deeply, he didn't want to go to the infirmary, scratch that, he didn't want to go the infirmary with his younger brother. He didn't need any help, he was going to be just fine with a couple of pain killers. Actually he wasn't the right twin who needed help.

"I'm not going anywhere with _you _" Zack cried, making sure he emphasized the "you" part. He just wanted to be alone, a place far away from Cody, was it too much to ask for? He thought not.

Cody winced when the word "you" escaped Zack's lips. It had so much emphasis on it, that he couldn't get himself to shrug it off, like it was nothing. It was that moment that Cody figured it wasn't Zack's illness that was getting on his nerves, it was him. Zack didn't want him around? Or was there something else his twin was hiding? Or maybe just maybe his brother decided to leash his anger out on him. He hoped for the third, but being the perfectionist he was he decided to find out. He hated having so many questions with very few answers.

" S-So if someone e-else was here to take you to the infirmary, you'd go with them? "

He dreaded his brothers response more than that time where he was….Cody didn't get enough time to even re-think his memory before his brothers rapid and definite reply struck the short lived awkward silence in the room.

" Definitely."

Cody paused. Replayed his brothers word in his head. Paused again. Allowed himself to breathe. Had he heard what he really heard? Or was all this just a figment of his nasty imagination? Had his twin just rejected him so openly? Why?! Why would he?! Cody did nothing but look out for him, what happened? He _definitely_ didn't see this coming.

Zack watched his younger brother fight his own emotions and the tears that were threatening to make their way downstairs. He was such a cry baby. Always the victim never the criminal. However, Zack felt no remorse wash over him after seeing the state his brother was in. It was all Cody's fault after all. If he hadn't changed into such a jerk this wouldn't be happening. True, he wasn't _that _jerky but jerky enough to not be the Cody he knew.

Nonetheless, there was one thought that never seemed to cross Zack's busy mind: Cody wasn't the only one who changed, he had too. The Zack the world knew, would never purposely hurt his brother and enjoy it. No. Too many changes were taking place. Way too many for the twins to handle.

Cody wasn't sure what to tell Zack. If Zack didn't want him around then maybe he should just leave. But his brother was ill he couldn't just leave him. He needed to get him to the infirmary. Yet, he was incapable of doing such a simple thing. _Ugh_ No wonder his twin didn't want him around. He was so useless and stupid when he had no books to refer back to. He could sense the tears making their way down his face. He gave up. He slowly stood up, glanced one last look at Zack, before turning around and heading to the door.

" Jerk, Feeling like the victim are we? Poor Cody! Why don't you go run to your little chicken and tell her just how mean your older brother was to you? Maybe she'll help " Zack snickered, with some pain revealing itself every now and then.

Cody turned around. Wiped some tears from his eyes and said " Don't you dare talk about her like that, Zack, I'm warning you."

Zack couldn't help but laugh bitterly. Was his brother threatening him?

" What can you do Cody? Beat me up? Strangle me? You don't even have the muscles to kill a fly!"

Cody felt anger boil through his veins. He had enough. He had had enough of being made fun of all the time. He could no longer take this. He hadn't done a thing and there he was being abused by his brother.

" Shut up Zack, just SHUT UP!" Cody yelled, " what the hell have I done to you? I came here to check on you, and this is how you repay me? Does it mean nothing to you that I care so much about you? Do—"

Cody felt a hand connect with his face as he lost his balance and fell over. He found himself rubbing the burning spot where Zack had slapped him. Cody looked up at the figure above him, eyes packed with misery and confusion, How could Zack do this to him?

" You. Are. The. Most. Selfish. Trash. Talking. Jerk EVER to live!" Zack burst, " all you ever think of is yourself and that chicken you call your girlfriend! But your brother, where is he in your thoughts?"  
Zack didn't wait for an answer, he continued bitterly.  
" Heck, Where is he in your life? Did you even notice I was gone? Do you even know why I feel like explosives are firing in my stomach? I'll tell you why, it's because of you Cody," he stopped to take a breath, then he spat," yes you "Mr. I'm so innocent" But clearly you don't deserve a brother like me"

" Zack, I.."

" Save it Cody, I really don't care anymore, just go! "

" You know what Zack?"

" What?" Zack couldn't help but snap back, his brother wouldn't leave. Why couldn't he just go? Right now he actually felt rather bad for Cody. Guilt was building up inside him every time he looked his brothers way. The grief and pain on his twins face was not endurable especially since he was the reason behind it.

" Why can't you just disappear? I Hate you!" and with that Cody was up on his heels and out the door in a matter of seconds, never once did he look back.

Zack stood there gaping at the intensity that flew with Cody's words before screaming " W-Well I-I hate you even more!"

Zack continued to lie down in his bed, with pain present everywhere in his body and soul, for almost another half an hour. He couldn't explain the grief he was feeling and the loss he was sensing. He felt like half of him had been ripped apart and scattered around. Cody's words were too much. He knew that he had meant all the three words he had pronounced. It killed him.

Sure he was the one who sounded like the jerk all along but still. Cody should've understood him, understood that there was no other way he could've expressed himself to him. But he didn't. His own twin brother no longer understood him, no longer cared for him, no longer loved him and no longer wanted him. He should just die. Maybe his stomach would soon explode and he would bid farewell to the world.

* * *

**A/N:** Sigh, where to begin? I had to re-write this because my best friend wouldn't let me keep up my old chapter. Best friends can be so hard at times. But either way, I would still like to thank her loads and loads, without her I don't think I would've done a thing xD She edited it for me, wrote some of the begining herself and encouraged me. So thank you. I would also like to thank tiger002 for rewriting the first paragraph for me. I think it was stunning. I would also like to say that SkarletMetals fic is what inspired me to write this somehow, so check out her fic xD I also hope that you guys liked this, please let me know. So read and review! even a private msg if you can't review bcoz you reviewed it before xD Yes I can be quite demanding!


	3. Chapter 3

Zack sat up gasping for a breath- as though he was being suffocated. Just another nightmare. He blinked a few times. As his eyes began to refocus again, he realized that this was not his cabin; that he was in fact in the infirmary. Those white walls, white shelves, white beds, white pillow cases, white bed sheets-always had their distinctive and absurd way of infuriating Zack. Unable to take these sudden flashes of white, he decided to lay back and enjoy the radiating sunrays that warmed his face. He fastened his weary eyes and was about to drift off, when a thought finally hit him.

How did he get here?

It was obvious that he didn't come here on his own- actually, he never even wanted to visit this place!

Then how come?

Did something happen to him and he had to be taken here? If that was the case, then he must be suffering from memory loss.

He shook his head. He would remember if something critical had happened to him. He tried to think of a more reasonable explanation. Maybe one of his friends took him here? But, no, his friends didn't know he was unwell... Unless of course Cody mentioned it. But, once again, Cody was far too upset to go out and socialize. Even if that were the case, the distance from his room to the infirmary was rather far; he was too heavy to be carried by someone all the way here, without them getting either exhausted or awakening him.

His thoughts were interrupted by a gentle knock on the door. Ms. Ryans was all smiles as she entered the room and looked rather amused to find Zack up and awake.

"Why, Look who's finally decided to wake up! How are you feeling, honey?"

Zack was beginning to feel even more muddled.

What did she mean by "finally"? Has he been out for days? Her question struck him as well. How did he really feel? Did she mean on a physical, emotional or a financial level? He wasn't that sure to be honest. As realization dawned on him, he mentally slapped himself- she's a nurse for crying out loud! What else would she ask him?

" Mhmm...Alright." Was all Zack managed to mumble.

Her face expressions looked stunned and to some extent confused. However, that was all soon replaced by a heartwarming smile, that would've normally melted Zack's heart and allowed some warmth and comfort to sneak their way into his heart. But it didn't belong to the right person. It was only Cody's smile that could do that to him, even if the smiles were alike. Cody's smile was special and- Wait. He was supposed to be angry. Very angry. Then what was he thinking?

"Well, that's an interesting answer, considering it's coming from a severely food poisoned person..."

Severely food poisoned? Seriously? Well not that it was farfetched or anything but why couldn't it just be an ordinary stomach ache, one that would soon go away?

Zack couldn't help but grunt at that.

"Does that mean I'm going to have to stay here all day?"

Mrs. Ryans chuckles echoed in the small white room. Once she caught on and saw Zack's raised eyebrows and bemused look he was giving her, she began to explain the situation to him.

"You see, Zack, when a person is food poisoned they need to remain under constant supervision to make sure that—"

" Blah blah blah...can I go now?" And with that, Zack swung his legs over the side of the bed and was about to get up before he felt firm arms tugging at his shoulder, forcing him back down into a lying position.

_Stupid nurse._

"Zack! You are to remain here until further notice. We can't risk you wandering around until your results are out! So stay here and stop being foolish!" She almost screamed all that, dragging back the headache that was haunting him.

"What results? I thought you said I was food poisoned."

She looked reluctant but she answered anyway.

"Well, we don't know that for sure. That was just an assumption based on how you were turned in last night." the nurse sighed, "you weren't in a very good shape, Zack. At some point, the doctors were scared they lost you!"

Zack started laughing nervously.

He almost died? Surely it couldn't have been that bad. On the outside it looked like he didn't care considering he was laughing. But from the inside, there was this huge hole forming in the pit of his stomach, the one that you get when you have a really bad feeling.

" S-So my heart stopped beating or something? "

" Something like that," she mumbled, looking away, "it was more like you not breathing properly, and by the time they got the air mask you almost stopped breathing. Like you had no will to continue living, since you didn't have the most fatal and dangerous symptoms of food poisoning, it didn't really make any sense to the doctors."

" Oh. Umm, okay. I guess." He paused, trying to gather his thoughts and then continued to ask " so when do those results come out?"

" In an hour or so, it shouldn't take long." Ms Ryans went to the medicine cabinet and grabbed a small bottle, along with a glass of water. She opened it and it revealed a small yellow pill. Extending her hand she continued, "now I want you take this pill, it should stop you from feeling sick."

Zack hastily grabbed the glass of water Ms. Ryans was holding and instantly gulped down all its contents, giving way to some droplets of water to find their path down his mouth and onto his shirt. Mrs. Ryans couldn't help but giggle at the thirsty boy, as she filled his cup once again, so he could take the pill with it this time.

" I've never been so happy to drink water in my life before, it's very refreshing!"

" Yes, so seeing that you're doing much better than expected, I think that I will—"

" Let me out?" Zack's face was lit up with hope as he awaited Mrs. Ryans reply.

" More like I will leave you now and check on you later," Noticing how Zack's features fell and looks of frustration and boredom took over his facial expressions, she added, " however, your friends are allowed to visit you any time, I can get them here if you like. You can also watch TV if you wish. The World Cup matches should be interesting at such a time."

" I think I'll just watch TV- just get me out of here soon please!"

Mrs. Ryans nodded in understanding, and as she was making her way out the door, she heard Zack call her name- as if it were an emergency. She immediately spun around, wondering what emergency could have taken place already.

"Yes, Zack?"

" How did I get here?"

Silence engulfed the room. Mrs. Ryans stared intently at Zack, surprised by the random question being asked by the teen.

Why did it matter anyway?

" I don't know, Zack, my shift is during daytime I wasn't around when you got here."

" Okay, thanks anyway." Zack sounded a little disappointed with the answer he received.

"Anytime." And with that Mrs. Ryans finally exited the room and left Zack to watch whatever it was on TV.

To anyone who happened to look at Zack, it would seem like the older twin was concentrating so hard at whatever he was watching. However, that was not the case. Zack was too far gone, lost in his thoughts.

_Like you had no will to continue living_.

This phrase remained to float around Zack's thoughts. Could it really be possible, that Zack couldn't exist unless Cody was there? That sounded hysterical to Zack. It didn't make sense. His life couldn't and shouldn't depend on Cody. So what if his brother hated him? So what if his younger forgot him all the time? It didn't matter anymore. He was better off without him. He felt ashamed that he got himself depressed over someone so worthless and meaningless. It was time for him to stop being so selfless, so protective, so loving and caring.

In his mind, Zack had let go of Cody. He didn't really mean much to him anymore. He could go die for all he cared! Life was just about to get much brighter. Less responsibilities meant more parties and friends - that's exactly how Zack wanted it. Not the love and company of his _younger_ boring brother. Zack couldn't help but grin. He hadn't felt this good in a while.

"Let's see if Cody could survive without me."

"…ZACK!"

Awaken from his trance, Zack looked up, only to find Woody waving his hand like a lunatic in front of his face. Irritated by him, Zack shoved Woodys' hand away and gave him a dirty look.

"What?" Zack snapped at Woody with so much power, it made him drop his precious sandwich.

"Please don't kill me, Mr. Almighty, I just came to see how you were doing and ask about my dear and loving roommate, please spare my life."

Zack rolled his eyes at his friends drama and bizarreness.

"I'm not going to murder you, Woody." Zack paused, as he saw Woody sigh in relief and give him a you-could've-fooled-me look, he then continued " and I'm doing okay, thanks for asking!"

Woody seemed genuinely pleased. Moments passed by and neither of the two said a word. However, the silence was soon broken.

" Sooo..." he sighed, "Cody's been here all day, aye?"

Why would he ask such an odd question? Cody was in school all day with Woody in the same classroom.

So why would he ask this?

" Umm, no I haven't seen him all day, why?"

" Because he wasn't in school or in the room today! "

* * *

**A/N**: I am awfully sorry for the long wait. I had like a month of exams, with 20 something exams to give in and there were days where I had 7 hours of exams & i'm only in grade 11 -_- Then I had some family come over and so the laptop was taken away by my cousin..then I got sick..then my 4 year old bro had a surgery and so on. However, I am free now! I'm even writing some other fics. I don't really know what to think of think of this chapter. Probably not the most exciting, but I hope you guys are okay with it. So review and let me know if you wish me to continue and how you found this. =D Thank you & may you all be having a marvellous summer. oh oh SPAIN won xD they have some cute guys xD The only reason I was with them lol.


	4. Chapter 4

The room was engulfed with eerie silence, as Zack tried to let the hanging sentence melt in.

There was nothing possible - that Zack could think off- that would keep Cody away from his beloved school, not even a fractured skull. School was his best friend, nothing ever separated them.

Something must be horribly wrong! Or maybe this was just a simple misunderstanding on Woody's behalf? Hoping for the latter, Zack couldn't seem to abandon the fear that gripped his stomach.

" A-Are you sure? Coz maybe you just d-didn't see him?"

"It's quite hard _not_ to notice Cody in class! " Woody chuckled lightly, after all it was Cody who ran the class half the time, and it would take a blind _and_ a deaf person to miss him.

The older twin felt his heart drop, his friend had a point. It was impossible for any creature – dead or alive- to miss Cody's presence in class. There just had to be a rational explanation. One he couldn't figure out. He always left such explanations and doings to Cody; he was after all the irrational and wild twin. Fear clutched his heart, what if this was the one time that Cody needed him to be rational? What if he wasn't able to do that? His younger brother might end up hurt because of his failure.

" Woody! Man, I'm begging you; tell me that this is a joke or that you're mistaken." Zack cried, his words filled with furry and anxiety, as his lower lip trembled with fear.

Taken aback by the intensity of the emotions that were visible in Zack's voice, Woody didn't know how to react. He wanted to comfort Zack and tell him it was all a joke, but he couldn't, not when it would be a lie. He wanted to tell him that it was all going to work out, but he wasn't so sure. He didn't want to give him false hope. One that could possibly devastate him in the end. As much as he disliked thinking this way, he was aware that life wasn't a piece of cake.

Woody lowered his head, too afraid to even glance at Zack's distressed eyes.

* * *

Zack ran for dear life, along the corridors, speculating all the while if it was a little too late. His mind was fogged with thoughts of Cody, as he absent mindly took a sharp turn to the right, causing him to lose his balance and fall face forward.

Pain soared its way through his body, as the world around him began to turn gray.

His head was pounding, his lungs were constricting and his stomach was somersaulting.

He wanted to lie there, to succumb into the tempting embrace of the seductive darkness. But some strange and foreign force wouldn't allow him. Something was holding him back, forcing him to endure this excruciating pain. Something he couldn't quite get his head around it. He knew there was something he needed to take care off. He just couldn't remember what it was.

He attempted to dig through his mind. To unearth what it was he was failing to remember. He found nothing but a sucking void. So tempted to give in, to seek refuge in the comfort of oblivion, he embarked on closing his somnolent eyes.

He was on the rim of losing consciousness when a thought lit his dim mind. _Cody._

Oh Gosh, no! How in the world could he have forgotten?

He couldn't just lie here anymore. He had to get up and make sure his younger brother was okay. _Time to define that word._ He hardly made it without Cody last night; he just hoped it wasn't the same for his other half. He had the doctors bring him back, but Cody had no one and maybe—God forbid. He wouldn't go there..Not yet at least.

Zack had to grit his teeth against the pain he faced while attempting to get up. Holding on to the door knob beside him, he attempted to steady himself. To get himself back on track. He had wasted enough time lying there like a pathetic loser. Since when did a simple slip do this to him?

_Since he got food poisoned and almost passed out not too long ago._

Speaking of which, just how long ago was it? Perhaps it was midday. Or maybe a little earlier. Requiring a confirmation of just how long Cody had been missing for, Zack decided to check his cell phone. The screen flickered to life, as Zack switched his cell phone on.

8:09 pm.

_So that's what the nurse meant by finally…_

Shit. There was no way in hell that could be correct! Just no freaking way.

If something had happened to Cody, then it was too late. Too stinking late to do anything. He felt himself hold back a strangled sob. He was anxious and worried. And he didn't know what to do. It didn't make any sense to him. Cody not being in his room all day, possibly all night, not attending school and worse of all not being seen by anyone after school time.

No one had looked for Cody, because they thought he was with him.

The words guilty and terrified could not even begin to clarify Zack's colossal grief.

He needed to sit down, think straight and stop being so feeble. For all he knew, Cody could be relaxing or partying somewhere, thanking the heavens he got rid of the annoyance Zack was. He was probably just overreacting. Those pills he took, earlier, must've played with his mind.

Zack knew he was in denial. Denial that his brother was in trouble.

He could somewhat sense his brother's discomfort and pain, in the back of his head, but he attempted to ignore it. Zack nibbled on his lower lip as he, unconsciously, perched himself onto the edge of his bed. He rubbed a hand over his face and let out a sigh, he felt hopeless and helpless. Logically, he should've checked Cody's room, but if Woody said he wasn't there, then he'd just take his word for it. This was too damn exasperating and he wasn't physically or mentally up for this.

Zack groaned in annoyance, as he sheltered his head with his trembling hands. Mere seconds after that did Zack's mind register that, out of the corner of his eye, he had seen a foreign object placed on his bed. Curious, Zack lifted his head and looked sharply to his right.

His breath was stuck midway, as he continued to stare at the object before him. He didn't know what to make of it. It couldn't be possible, not in a million years, but there it was in front of him. Was it for him? _No, No! Don't get carried away!_ It had to obviously belong to Marcus. Only he or London could afford such a luxury.

Zack finally trusted himself to exhale. This wasn't for him and he knew it. He had to quit staring. The more he gazed, the more he sought it. As he was about to tear his gaze away and snap out of his dazed reverie, he spotted something. He bent forward and gently grabbed the creased paper, not wanting others to think he was meddling with their private stuff, that lay on top of the case.

His eyes were wide with shock. _To Zack_ were the faint words scripted on the paper. Zack licked his chapped lips in anticipation, as he unfolded the paper with his trembling hands. His mind was vacant, no thoughts raced their way. However, his heart was thumping, half expecting it to pound its way out.

_Dear Zack,_

_I know it seems like I'm trying to buy you back, but if that's what it takes, then I'm on it._

_Zack, I may not have told you this before, but you're my superhero, my idol and the only person I look up to besides Einstein. Losing you is like losing me. It was never my intention to hurt you, to make you feel unloved and unwanted. I, always, thought that you'd prefer to spend your time with your other friends, rather than fritter your time with me. I just wanted you to be happy, Zack. _

_I don't hate you, and I never will. I'm sorry I said such a ridiculous and outrageous thing. I'm sorry I wasn't the brother you needed or wanted. I let you down, Zack. I don't think I could ever forgive myself. You were right, when you said; I don't deserve you as a brother. Hell, I may not even deserve to live. _

_All in all, I'm sorry._

_I just can't leave without apologizing. I can't let it end on a bad note. One more thing, Zack, the love and admiration I hold for you, is never ending. I always have – always will- put you before myself and everyone else. You mean the world to me, Zack. I never want you to believe otherwise. I just wanted to let you know all this, before it was too late._

_With plenty of Love and Wishes,_

_Codes._

Zack felt the tears prick at the corner of his eyes. He felt his heart constrict as if he were being bound by ropes so tight, he would lose all breath. Was this really what he thought it was? Was Cody hinting the word "suicide"?

No blood would warm his skin until he found his brother. Preferably safe and alive.

* * *

A/N: Guys, I hope this was worth the wait, even though it didn't have much taking place. Hopefully, next chapter would be up soon. Do review, and let me know what you think. Suicide? I guess it's just been on my mind lately and it somehow made it's way on to the fic too. I write as I go, hardly ever plan! Oh, and thank you to all those who reviewed last time, my brother's good, it was just his tonsils. So yeah thanks to all those who asked. Hope u guys liked it =D


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